My kid is going to be cooler than your kid.

"Melissa, I think if you had a kid, he would be just like this."

Eatin' sand and takin' names.
If when I have a kid he's even HALF this cool, I'm pretty sure I've succeeded in life. No questions asked.

Quotes from my boss.

Coworker: "Where's Djibouti?"
           Phil: "It's on tha back-a yo' chair!"

"Melissa, can I lick your bowl?"
     (In reference to the dishing bowl in which there had been a dessert.)

Me: "...so we're searching for 'business women attire.'"
           Phil: "Uhh... careful when you search 'business women.'"
Me: "Why?"
           Phil: "...Business women is another name for a HOOKER."
Me: "Well, I haven't seen any hookers, but I have seen (as I pointed to a picture of a farmer standing next to a pile of watermelons,) some large watermelons!"
           Phil: "...that's exactly what we're trying to avoid!"


On another note, the counselors in my office have figured out that if they push my computer monitor all the way down, that it latches and I have to move everything and use all my strength to unlatch it and put it back to normal.
...and they think it's hilarious.

Silly counselors. You know I don't go down without a fight.

                                                         This. Means. War.

Remember that one time, when I sucked at this?

Yeah. Me too. That nonsense is stopping immediately.



Also, remember when these pictures were the coolest things to have as a middle schooler desperate for social acceptance? You'd see them on t-shirts and backpacks and school supplies, and you most likely bought some of them as stickers from those cool quarter machines at the grocery store. But then you'd be pissed when your sticker said something dumb because hello, you wanted the hot pink one that said "cute but psycho" since it was the coolest one to have. But no, Dad won't give you another quarter. Thanks Dad, I'm gonna be shunned at school tomorrow... yet again.

It's okay, you'll still have one friend. Y'know, the one you're going to give your crappy sticker to, in an effort to make them think that you thought of them when you went and spent your (Dad's) last quarter on a lame sticker.

They'll say thanks and act like they appreciate it, but they did the same thing to you last week. Gotta love friendship as a 13 year old.