Blog #50. I'm impressed.

Hi, my name is Melissa and I suck at blogging. But good enough to have 50 blog posts, as informed by blogger.com today, hayy. That's way more than I thought I had, and it only took me almost 2 years to get there. Good job me on all of those posts, I'll do my best to keep up the mediocre work.

No but seriously, i'll tryyy to be better about this blogging thing, especially while i'm in Australia, for the sake of my dedicated reader(s) out there (I appreciate your support, Lisa). I'm sure I'll be glad I documented my happenings someday too. And considering everyone knows I'm a terrible emailer and I rarely update the FaceSpace, this is probably your best bet to keep an eye on whether i'm alive or if i've been eaten by poisonous bugs. (We're taking bets on the latter.)

Speaking of bug-like things. What is one of the things I hate most in the world? Spiders. What does Australia have exceptionally large versions of? Spiders. Awesome. And you find them pretty regularly! Bleh.

Did anyone know that spider watching was a spectator sport around here? Not me, until I got up one morning and had the family I stay with excitedly tell me to come look at the giant spider up in their closet. Um, no thank you, family. I'll be over here looking at everything that I hate less than spiders, which includes everything. But of course I went and looked anyway and it was totally giant and creepy looking. Sick.

The next day I was vacuuming and screamed upon coming to another larger-than-average spider. Just fyi: too big to suck up in a vacuum kind of big. Aka exceptionally too big for my liking, which is not at all. After I failed at the vacuum idea, I tried to get that massive thing out the door using the objects that were closest to me. Lets just say it was one of the worst things i've ever done in my life. I recall that I screamed at least 3 times, and I don't scream often. Traumatic.

To finish that experience off, I walked into the 4 year old's room next to see another larger-than-average (but smaller than the last) spider [cue scream. so pitiful], and figured I could probably vacuum it up. Wrong. ...because it was plastic and belongs to a 4-year-old. He thinks he's soooo funny. (...haha okay but it was kind of funny.)

I would post a picture since Lisa loves pictures, but the only thing that comes to mind is of a spider and I am soo not posting that. So instead, I will post a picture of a kangaroo, because I still haven't seen one yet and I really really want to. It's my goal to pet one before I leave Australia. It will totally happen.

Just look how cool it is!

Crush Test, Good Luck!

I sent a letter home to the parents of my fourth graders last week, and at the bottom I put my email address, in case the parents wanted to contact me. Less than a half an hour after school I got an email not from a parent, but from one of my students, just saying hi, yadda yadda. She said she made sure to get my email address from the note before her mom took it.

Awesome.

I'm so glad that I'm now on her forwarding list. This forward was important, so I figured I'd share. Follow it exactly, or you'll die in 12.7 seconds. I'm not joking.

So guess what.... 

This is not your normal chain letter! [honest]
When this girl 1st got it she didn't believe it so she deleted it.

Then the next day her boy friend

DUMPED HER FOR NO REASON AT ALL!!! [not really. it was for excessive forwards]

So she rushed home & she restored it & sent it. [furthering the problem]
Then she & her boyfriend made-up and he's still her

Boyfriend. [i've been doing things all wrong, it seems]
Step 1. Say your Crush's name until I say stop..
*
**
***
****
*****
******
*******
********
*********
***********
*********
********
*******
******
*****
****
***
* *
*
S T OP ! ! !
Step 2. Say how much you love your crush until I say stop. [preferably out loud. in front of lots of people]

$$$$$$$$$$$

$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$
$$$$$$
$$$$$
$$$$
$$$
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$

$

$

$$

$$$

$$$$

$$$$$

$$$$$$

$$$$$$$

$$$$$$$$

$$$$$$$$$

$$$$$$$$$$

$$$$$$$$$$$
S T OP !! !
Now cross your fingers.....[okay no really, this one actually works]

DA DA DA DA

DA DA DA DA
Step 3.
Do exactly as I say
Send this to 5 people
your crush will not forget you until the day you die [at which point they will forget you immediately]

Send this to 10 people
your crush will kiss you on you cheek
Send this to 15 people
your crush will kiss you on the lips [scandalous]
Send this to 20 people
your crush will ask you out
Send this to 25 people
Your crush will say 'I love you'& mean It. [when you're 9 it's for real]
Send this to 30 people
Your crush will marry you.[obviously]
Don't be stupid like she was!!!
You have 15 minutes
start sending!!!
Good Luck! !

Pretty sure I'd believe that too if I were nine. Also, thanks to me, the rest of your life is now complete. You're welcome.

Valentine's Day through the eyes of a fourth grader.

I could retell the whole story for you, but I don't sleep a lot so I'm attempting to make tonight the night that I attempt to.

Let me sum up the two most important events.

I gave each kid in the class a box of those nasty Sweethearts candies. I mean, I guess some people like them. I do not. But whatever, I gave them those because they're perfect to do fun math or literacy activities with. (I also gave them edible delicious candies too, because I'm the best teacher ever).

So they were using the candy hearts to make comic strips, where they had to implement the phrases on their candy hearts into their comic strip dialogue. One of the boys was using a heart that said "text me," but for his comic, he had a box with a boy and a girl in it, and the boy with a speech bubble saying "Don't text me, hobo."

I laughed so much.

Event number two. One of the girls in my class drew me a picture with my name and lots of hearts, complete with phrases like "You rock!" etc. On the back, she taped on a child's sized plastic green bracelet and wrote under it, "This is for you since you love green. ps. Keep it forever please? But if you stop liking green I guess you can throw it away." Followed by "Green rocks just like you!! Ha ha you love green." Haha, yooou caught me. Yes, yes I do.


They're hilarious and they don't even know it. I love it.

"Think of something that makes you smile."

I love the sayings on the wrappers of Dove chocolates.

I hate that I equally love what's inside of those wrappers.

Love notes.

My apartment front door directly faces another apartment's front door, where a cute couple lives with their three year old daughter.  She's precious.

Today, she left a post-it love note on our front door.

It says:

I laughed more than most people would probably think I should have.

Also I'm supposed to be asleep. Doing that now.

One for the road. Upon which my car likes to blow up.

My luck with cars is awesome. Actually, I'm really just kind of dumb.

Rewind. Couple of days ago.

Driving back to Utah from California. Forgot how quickly my gas gauge drops from 1/4 full to empty. Realized this on a very very long stretch of no gas stations. Oops? At first I was slightly concerned. Then after more and more time passed I laughed and began thinking about what my plan was going to be once my car did run out of gas on the side of the freeway. In the middle of no where. At night. I was positive it was going to happen.

And thennn, with my constant good fortune, I somehow managed to make it to a gas station. Definitely the closest I've been to running out of gas. Well I mean, except for that one time when I ran out of gas. Anyway. I was positive my car was going to sputter to a stop when I pulled up to the pump. There was no sputtering, either.

I'm on a roll.

Get out of my car and was hit with an icy wind that I had no idea was there, having been in my heated car and all. Swiped my card, started pumping my gas, feelin' pumped about life. Looked in my car to see my bright green lanyard, just hangin' out on my front seat.

Y'know. The lanyard attached to my keys. After I made sure to lock my doors because who knows who could walk by and steal my stuff out here. In the middle of no where. At night. In the icy wind. In shorts and flip flops.

This really did happen.

Went into the gas station, smiled and said something like "Hiii..... I locked my keys in my car. ...got a car jimmy I could use...?" No good. Repeat at gas station #2. Same results, though with the suggestion of "...maybe ask if anyone around has one? Guys might have that kind of thing in their cars..."

Sounds like a good idea, right? I'm a people person, I can talk to anyone. People like me gosh darn it.

Wrong.

If you walk up to someone outside of a gas station at night in the middle of no where, do you think they think that you're just some poor stranded girl whose car broke down and needs nothing but their innocent help?  No. They don't. You're approaching them because a. You want their money and/or b. You want their soul. I approached all of one person, saw his immediate, silent gesture of "Don't ask me for money and actually I'm going to walk a little bit further in the other direction because I'm kind of scared of what weapon you're about to pull on me," and decided that not only was this a futile effort, but there was no way I was going to walk around a gas station. In the middle of no where. At night. In the icy wind. In shorts and flip flops. Looking like the crazy chick who walks up to you at gas stations to steal your money/soul.

Called my parents. I'm now a proud AAA member. (Seriously, you should all invest immediately. They're fabulous.) Keys retrieved and I was on the road again shortly after.


Fast forward. Today.

Be a responsible member of society and go to school and teach small children and basically save the world. Decide to continue my adult-like efforts and go to the bank. Haha which reminds me of this fabulous picture.

Haha, had to.
hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com, to the ladies and gentleman who are unfamiliar.

Pull into the drive-thru at the bank, where my car proceeded to break down. IN the drive-thru. Get out and walk up to the drive-thru window, sans car. Cue strange looks. Probably thought I was about to rob the place.

What is it with people thinking I want to steal their money and that I carry weapons?  On second thought. Why do I always end up in positions where people think I want to steal their money and that I carry weapons? Haha, weird.

So anyway, I walk up to the window, laugh a little and say something like "Haha..... my car is um. stuck in your drive thru..." I laughed a little more and said "Also I can't believe I'm standing outside of a drive thru window." She laughed. But then basically said she didn't know how to help me. So I was like "Well..... is there anyone there that can help me push my car out of the drive-thru? I mean, I can call my mechanic or someone to come get me, buuut..... my car is still in your drive-thru at the moment. So."

Thank you Wells Fargo manager for helping me jump start my car so that I could stop negatively impacting the flow of your business. I would have given you a tip if you had a nifty tip jar at your bank. Please see to it.

Hide ya kids, hide ya wife. I'll lock 'em in cars and/or embarrass them at the bank.

Time to vote.

Okay. I need your votes. And by me, I mean my incredibly adorable niece Asia does. She's in THIRD place in a competition out of 1,765 babies. Help her win, and I will love you forever.

Ready for picture overload?  Look at these and tell me she is not the most adorable baby ever.

(No but really, she fell asleep like that.)

I'm basically in love with her.

Vote here!

You can vote once per day (I know that you will). Competition ends October 3rd!

If she doesn't win, consider yourselves shunned.