Since I know everyone was sick with worry...

Got 'em. :)

Granted, I wouldn't have really cared if I lost the keys. Or the flash drive. Or the cool laser pointer that shoots a blue light at people.

Buuut. I would have missed that lanyard. Is that geeky of me? I sure hope so. You guys, I don't keep small things that I use all of the time for very long. I used to lose watches like they were made for a 'one-time only' use. Sunglasses were an even more unfortunate story. But this lanyard I have had for over 3 YEARS. We've got history.

You don't understand, I don't DO that.

Plus, I got it in Ireland. Since I've like, been there and stuff.

Precious.

Sometimes, I'm just kind of dumb.

Friday: Lose your keys somewhere on campus. Seriously, you're an idiot. Your keys have a bright lime green LANYARD on them.


Who loses that kind of thing? You do. Please wait til Monday to see about getting them back. Until then: Haha for you! Good luck getting home, sucker. Your car is in the parking lot not too far from you, but it's just there to taunt.


Good thing you and the city bus are pretty tight. You can get from Point A to Point B. Usually. Sometimes. On the really good days. When your hair looks good.


Redeeming note: Luckily for you, you're a freakin' genius and have a spare key to your car AND your apartment. Look at you go, Ms. Responsible.


Saturday: You brush your hair AND have your shoes tied (but really only because you slip them on and never actually untie them, but that's beside the point). Today has already been a productive day (see above).


Fast forward: Time to go watch a movie with some of your favorite people on the planet. Granted you're still in your shiny orange basketball shorts, and those are really not to be worn in public. Change. Brush your hair again (you are seriously on a roll today). Lock yourself out of your bedroom, spare keys inside.

(On a side note, I don't actually know this man, but this is what Google images gave me. I decided to use it because 1. He has a sweet beard and we all know how I feel about beards, and 2. I read on his blog about how he locks himself out often, so basically he and I are twins. Except for the beard thing.
Is use of this picture illegal? Probably. Leaving a comment on his blog now.)
...Wait. What? Plan: ruined. Push. Turn. Pry. Credit card. Whine. All to no avail. Good thing you have friends who will feed you cookies and let you watch movies in their apartment, tall beasts of boys who can scale walls and break into two-story windows, and roommates who will eat chili and doughnuts with you afterward so that you can laugh about the whole thing and listen to stories about Belissa, Bourtney and Bristen.


Sunday: So far, so good. But it's only 9 am. You've got time.

Anyone wanna lend me their keys or other valuables? Hit me up.

I'm an international sensation.

Dear people of:

Brazil
United Kingdom
South Africa
India
Spain
Egypt
Canada
Colombia

Who are you, and what interest do you have in my blog? I can see that you've been looking at it- no need to be timid. I'm flattered, though I really don't think that it deserves all of this world-wide attention. But, since you're looking, please contact your country's superiors and see about getting me some sort of high-paying international position that requires me to do little to no work, but that has incredible perks. Traveling is a must, gifts are optional (but encouraged).


I look forward to hearing from you.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Me and Michelangelo. We're tight. Balloon style.

Thank you, balloon man, for coming by and brightening my work day with your creepy vibe and sweet sweet balloon tying skills.

"See ya, peanut butter cup."

(Upon telling someone goodbye and reminding them about the ice cream flavor they owed me, this was the exchange that proceeded.)

"See ya. Peanut butter cup."

"See ya tomorrow... and you can call me Ben."


Clever.

Pursuit of Happiness.

I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know
Everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold
I'll be fine once I get it
I'll be good

"I like your... baby."

A few years ago, I received a compliment from some girl who's name I do not remember. She said "Hey, I like your shirt." "Oh thanks!" I said, and thought nothing else of it. She stood there, waiting. After a few seconds of awkward silence she goes, "Well don't you like anything about me?"

Uhh. Wait. What?



I feel like generally, we give compliments out of the goodness of our hearts, or because we genuinely like something, and not to receive a compliment back or to make it blatantly obvious that our self-esteem is low and we're in need of empty praise. Anyway, that's beside the point. I think I complimented her shoes, or something, and carried on my way.

I told that story to a friend today. A couple hours later he told me that my "I like your shirt..." story had just ruined his day. I asked what he meant by this, and he said "I was at the post office, and a lady said she liked my shirt. I panicked, remembered your story, felt obligated to reply and said "Thanks... I like your... baby." She just stared at me."

If that doesn't count for good deed of the day, I just don't know what does.

I'm an incredible conversationalist.

Melissa:
        -2 morality points.

Jim:
        I'm going to have to give you -23 for starting a morality point system.

Melissa:
        It'll keep things interesting.

Jim:
        That it will.
        +9.

Melissa:
        I vote that I'm still winning.

Jim:
        Oh, hate to see that. -3.

Melissa:
        You're taking away points for the stupidest things.
        -293479823754.

Jim:
        Jim is awesome +99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999.
        Clearly I'm aloud to act as a third outside party to judge myself as well.
        Completely unbiased of course.

Melissa:
        You can't award yourself points!!
        Cheating punk.

Jim:
        Woah woah, it isn't my fault if you didn't think up a loophole.

Melissa:
        Melissa has the right to deny all self-awarded points, and in doing such, can also give penalty points to those who award points to themselves. Jim does not get this power, and in fact, gets no power. Ever.


Welcome to the majority of our conversations.

Cocoa Puffs

I really like Cocoa Puffs, on occasion. The best part, of course, is when you eat all of the cereal, and you're left with the delicious chocolate milky goodness at the end. Well, unless you drink too much and your stomach is like, wtf dude.


Good job, Cocoa Puffs. Good. Job.